Its a New Day

Saturday was 1 year ago that I had my last radiation treatment, so I've been thinking about that time that over the last week and all that has happened this year.    It was a long year.  It really does take a good year to recover from radiation.  It was only a few weeks ago that I didn't feel that fatigue and twinges of nerve pain that seemed to be ever present.  There is some permanent damage, but it seems to be pretty minor.  In October I had my scans redone, and all looks good.  The doctor would often say to me "Jennifer it has only been x# of months - give yourself a break!!".  I see that now, but when I was in it I just wanted to be better and not have those pains anymore so I could forget that it all happened. God used this time to refine me - and is still working.  I had a lot of anger, bitterness, and disappointment, especially when I was done my treatments.  People who said that they would be there for treatments or make m...

I finished my radiation treatments on November 23rd - the day before Julia's birthday (she was really hoping I would be done before her birthday so we could celebrate together). The whole experience went so quickly, it was August 23rd that I had the lumpectomy and 3 months later I was done radiation.  I couldn't write about this sooner, emotionally and physically I just couldn't do it.  I just started talking more about all that happened and what I went through, but it was hard. I mean it was hard . I had no real idea going into it what was going to happen and how I was going to respond (especially since I respond sooo well to things - let the sarcasm drip) but it was not great. My weeks of treatment went like this (there were 21 sessions that went Monday to Friday with weekends off): Monday-Friday: work 9 till about 12 (depending on what time treatment was)                            leave for hosp...

The countdown started after day 1 and there are now 15 treatments left! This week has been pretty rough again.  Lots of migraine and extra head pain, exhaustion - coupled with insomnia (it was really nice to sleep for a few nights) and now breast pain. Tuesday I could hardly function, my head was so bad.  I was so thankful to have Jen come with me to my treatment and drive (there was no way I could do that).  My head was just throbbing.  I was trying to think of how to describe it - like a CD being put into the slot and slicing through my brain. That's the closest I can think of it. I often stop at Rachel's on the way home, it is just a bit too far to drive all the way home with feeling so tired, and Rylee has been my nurse.  If I close my eyes, she puts a blanket on me or tucks a dolly in my arms or just sits and snuggles and tells the other kids to "Shhhhh".  Julia keeps letting me how tired I look.  Thanks honey, I appreciate that. :) I have...

It is hard to believe that it has been a week since I started radiation, and what a whirlwind it has been!  Last Thursday was my first treatment.  Tini came along with me.  We had a quick visit with the nurse and then got changed and headed in.  A scan was done and then 5 minutes later I was done.  As I was getting off the table, the nurse said "See you tomorrow". Those 3 words hit me like a ton of bricks! See you tomorrow We drove back to Tini's and had some tea and relaxed, a had a headache starting so I headed to Rachel's (I had to give an in person update and get some kid snuggles) before I headed home. We told Tristan, Hannah and Julia a few days before, just in case they overhear someone at church talking about it.  I wanted them to hear it from me first.  They took it really well.  Tristan and Hannah just were glad that it was out and the treatment I was going to have would be helpful. Julia is the thinker/worrier.  She would...

It is hard to believe that it has only been a week since I hear the words "the lump had cancer". In July I saw my family doctor.  The lump that we had been watching since about 2011 was really starting to hurt, every day I would have sharp almost like lightening pains shooting through it.  A few days later, on a Thursday morning, I was at Free Port Hospital for a mammogram and ultrasound. Friday morning I got a call that the radiologist recommended a surgical consult.  Everything looked good, but as it had grown a little bit and I was experiencing pain, it was worth looking into. Six weeks later, I was sitting in Dr. M's office and she said that all indications were that it was just a mass that was growing a bit.  It was only 1.3 x 1.8 x .2.5 cm, just shy of the 3cm that she usually likes it to be, but again, as it was hurting she would remove it.  She had a cancellation the next Thursday morning, so we booked it. I had to have an ultrasound guided needl...

I was looking at the blog today to find another blog that I like to follow and realized that I haven't written anything since October 31st, 2014!! That's 4 years!  I guess that writing everyday for 30 days just did me right in :). So what has happened in 4 years.  Let's see.  Isaiah, Rylee, Trent, Ian and Easton were all born. I moved out of Rachel & Ryan's to a place out in the country (a little bit farther out than I'd like to be but a great location).  I joined the Hosanna choir and have loved singing again. Three kiddies from Amanda Some things haven't changed.  Still work for RPM (next week is 16 years!!!) and still have the migraines, but we're working on that. September 2016, I was walking and injured my heel.  After seeing the doctor and trying a few things, I went to a specialist.  Long story short, I ended up wearing an Air Cast for 10 months and endured some pretty painful procedures.  Fast forward to February 2018 and I w...

Yep, combined days again (yesterday was a day spent in bed with a migraine so no post). It is hard to believe that it is already the end of the 31 Days.  This has been an interesting experience - being conscious of being thankful for 31 days.  So in light of that I am thankful for this opportunity to have, in writing, 31 Days of Thankfulness. Looking over these posts will be a great reminder of God's great blessings and gifts to me. 

I am thankful today for clothing.  Does that sound weird?  I see lots and lots of clothing come in through the thrift store and while sometimes it makes me feel a bit crazy, I am thankful that we have options.  Sweaters for when it is cold - good snuggling ones and nicer lighter ones for in the office.  When I read back of days gone by and they had 1 good dress and 1 every day dress with aprons to wear over top, I am thankful that we have options.  I do try to go through my closet every season and if I didn't wear it, it gets passed on to someone else who could maybe use it.  My closet is not full to overflowing - by any means.  Quite frankly, I don't have room for a lot of clothing in my storage space so if it doesn't fit then something has to go. (quite handy really). In fact, I think that I have more quilting material than I do clothing... maybe I need to be working on making that pile smaller too... Yesterday was a beautiful warm day and toda...

Today I am thankful for different talents.  This one is harder to write because the last thing I want is to sound braggy but I am thankful for the different gifts and talents that God has given me. Hannah helping and learning I'm thinking of being able to sew.  Last night I whipped up a Little Red Ridinghood cape for Hannah - the girls watched/helped as I laid out the fabric and drew out the hood design and cut it out, sewed it together with the cape and added a button. There were lots of questions "What is that? What does a seam ripper do? Will you be able to see the marker?"  Ending with glad exclamations of "I look like Little Red Ridinghood!" It took about 15 minutes but with everything right there it went very quickly and it was fun to show the girls how to be able to make something quickly. They've helped me before with making quilts (passing me the squares and keeping them in order, then laying the finished strips in order to keep the patt...

Today I am thankful for medicine.  I really have a love/hate relationship with it at times.  Sometimes I have to take a lot of medication for my migraines and sometimes it is the medication that makes the migraines worse (the rebound is often just as bad so it is hard to know if it is a migraine or a rebound).  Sometimes I have to take a lot and then just stop 'cold turkey' to see if it makes a difference. This past week and weekend were especially bad head wise.  I took a few half days off work because it was too much.  Saturday morning I was out with the girls and it came on suddenly so we rushed home where I slept on and off for about 3 hours (while the girls played so nicely and only occasionally woke me up to say that I was snoring - but "not a loud snore more like a purring").  As the pounding in my head continued to worsen I was thankful that I had something that I could take.  It doesn't always work and sometimes it helps just enough so that ...

Today I am thankful Betty Ann.  She is my 'nurse' - she comes along with me to specialist appointments as my other set of ears and asks all the questions that I don't know to ask.  She is also there to help me remember what was said and how long things might take. It was almost 3 years ago when I started to shake and stutter and she came along with me to the Neurologist's office.  When I called to get some results back and my family doctor said it was a tumor Betty Ann was the first person I called.  Didn't he said it wasn't a tumor and now I'm being told it is?!?  Betty Ann called the specialist right away to clear things up and called me to give me the assurance that it was NOT a tumor.  She is there to laugh at me when I ask silly questions or cry with when things just are not going well.  I look forward to seeing her and getting a great hug.  We laugh - she makes me laugh the good belly hurting, head pounding, eyes crying kind of la...

Today I am thankful for Saturday.  Today I get to spend time with Hannah & Julia.  We usually do some cleaning in the morning (we just did the laundry and made the beds) and then we go and do some shopping.  The girls know the rules for shopping: No running away, no saying give me give me give me, I want I want I want, no fighting, no screaming, no going under the cart and hold hands in the parking lot - they have to repeat them every time.  They are ingrained in their heads.  Not that they always remember them but they are there. Today the plan is to go to Lens Mills and find some material as Hannah wants to be Little Red Ridinghood for school next week.  I do have material for a cape but I want to see if I can find something to make a dress too.  Once we get back then Hannah wants me to teach her how to use her knitting thing so she can make a head band.  Since the boys will be gone it is the perfect time to do it. Saturday is a great...

Today I am thankful for friendships.  They come in many different forms:  Old friends who knew you 'back when'   back when you all had fuzzy hair, big glasses and were a bit crazier     Friends that we can laugh with   Friends that are there to give hugs (Oosterhof hugs are the best!!!) Far away friends that we keep contact with through facebook or email   Close by friends that we can stop in and visit New friends - who didn't know us 'back when' and maybe think we're more 'mature' than we really are. Dear friends - who we share our hearts, joys and burdens with As I was helping Amanda with her devotional for tonight I was thinking of the verse that she is using from 1 Thess - to encourage one another and build each other up - as you are already doing.  That's what friendships do.  They sharpen us as iron sharpens iron.  They build us up in our faith.  They encourage us to fight the good f...

Today I am thankful for my mom & dad.  Now that they live closer I actually get to see them (mom used to come up during the day but I would be at work so not see her)!  Last night dad just popped in to drop off some wood for Ryan.  The kids were so excited to see him, the twins snuggled up with him.  Julia tried to tell him about her trip to the Pumpkin Patch (he has a bit of a hard time understanding her) and showed just the right amount of enthusiasm when she showed her cob of popping corn (pointing out that the black on that is really rotten is the 'spicy' one).  He helped put the kids to bed and sat around for a while and chatted with Rachel and I.  It was nice to spend that quiet time with dad.  Just finding out about his day and how things went last weekend at Beacon with Tristan. Mom is over more too.  With Rachel laid up it was nice to have mom closer by to help with the twins.  It is nice to be able to say "I'm coming ...

Today I am thankful for technology.  Oh sure, there are some days that I would like to throw my computer out the window and can't wait to turn off my phone (not that I get a lot of phone calls but when working in an office - you get tired of answering phones).  I still do a lot of handwriting and I like to keep a paper calendar (in the office and personal) but sometimes computers are wonderful. I'm doing some banking things today.  It is a pain (that while in transition of programs) I have to enter everything in 4 places but in January I will only have to enter things once and it will send out tax receipts at the same time saving me lots of time in February. It is also wonderful to be able to keep in contact with friends and family all over the world.  Hettie is emailing from Napal and India, I can keep contact with friends in Winnipeg and the East Coast and all over the US.  Even with family close by but I don't get to see often - technology is a wonde...

I was going to wait a bit to write this one but after this morning I thought I'd write about how thankful I am for the kids that I get to live with. They are nutbars - the whole lot of them - really but I love them to bits.  This morning was just one of those mornings when I realized it again. I came upstairs to make breakfast for the kids.  Blake was sitting on the chair, Anthony was snuggled up with Tristan, Hannah was flittering about and Julia was snuggled on another chair.  It was pretty quiet. I walked over to Blake "Good morning Jen" he said sweetly.  I asked if he had a good sleep and did he want breakfast "Yep.  Outmeal".  I walked over to Anthony 'Good morning, did you have a good sleep?' I asked as I tussled his hair 'Yes'.  "I super love you' I said quietly 'I love you Aunt Shen" he said quietly back. Then Julia realized I was in the room and came to give me a big hug.  Hannah came flittering over to show me ...

Is this cheating? Doing 4 days together?  Maybe but my brain hurts to much to write 4 different posts today and it would be 4 because this weekend was crazy. Friday started off with dinner #1 in Grimsby, followed by dinner #2 in Cambridge.  They were wonderful dinners (the food was soooo good as always!) and it was so nice to meet so many new people and see familiar faces (that I only get to see once a year). Sunday I forced myself out of bed and did make it to church in the am but the migraine that had started on Saturday afternoon was taking over so the rest of the day was spent in bed.  Today I dropped of table clothes, went to the chiropractor and then to the office.  I'll work for a few hours (maybe till the twins have their nap time) and then I think I'll be heading home.  Yesterday was so bad head wise that I wasn't able to sleep and quite frankly - it hurts today. So what am I thankful for today (or these days)?  It is my bed.  No reall...

It is hard to think that half of October is already done!  This month's challenge has been a great reminder for me to be thankful for big and little things. Today I am thankful that God is a creative God.  The kids were helping me bring in my quilting materials last night and as I was emptying out the containers and putting the material away I was reminded of the variety of colour. Tristan is colour blind and not just red/green as is the more common but blue/yellow as well.  He basically sees gray, orange and brown as well as black and white.  He knows that John Deere is Green and the colours of the other tractors, but he really doesn't see the real colours.  He has pencil crayons that have the colours written on them so that he can do his work properly.  When he gets himself dressed he often has to change - nope that red shirt, orange sweater and blue pants don't match.  Most of his clothes tend to go together (except that blue track suit) so he h...

Today I am very thankful the folks at church - our family - and not just from Riverside but the area churches.  Because of where I work I have a rarer opportunity to see folks from the different reformed churches in this area (URC, OPC, ARP, FRC, RP & CRC).  I work with these folks every day and have made some very dear friends. Over the last few weeks, I've come to appreciate our church family even more.  We've had meals brought to our home for a week before Rachel's surgery (while we were waiting for dates and unsure of what was going to happen) because those dear folks didn't know what else to do to help and wanted to do something to give Rachel a bit of a break.  We've had meals brought almost every day for the last 2 weeks and they continue this week - so that Rachel (and quite frankly I) don't have to think about making meals while Rachel is recovering from her surgery. Baking has also come in abundance - muffins, cookies & bars for the kids ...

Today I am thankful for days off.  Not that today is a day off - that was yesterday - but I'm still thankful. With all the craziness of everyday goings on it is nice to have an extra day to just be.  I did start off well.  I slept in for a bit, then did some laundry, cleaned and vacuumed my room, cleaned my bathroom and went to Karen's to pick up my quilting materials so that I can start sewing again soon (you know... when the craziness of everyday goings on slows down a bit). Then I started to not feel so good.  I'd had a pretty good migraine since Thursday but this was going to be a dozy.  I made it home in time and then went to bed.  I slept for a few hours and by dinner time I was feeling a bit more 'human'.  It was nice to be able to stay in bed and not have to think about all that I wasn't getting done at the office or even at home (the laundry got folded - though not put away - and things were clean).  Sometimes it is just nice t...