A Little "Freak Out" and Hope
Yesterday was a bad day - actually that is a bit of an understatement if you were in my office or talked to me on the phone.
On Saturday morning I started to have a bit of trouble talking - nothing too bad, just a few words that were a bit difficult to get out. Sunday it was much worse and folks were getting concerned so I promised to call the neurologist on Monday morning.
Monday morning I called a left a message, but I didn't hear back. So yesterday I called my family doctor. The stuttering was much worse and I wanted to know if it was something serious that I needed to go to emerg for or if it was just part of everything going on with the tremor.
After talking with a few secretaries and a nurse, I was finally put through to my family doctor. She said that she had gotten a letter from the neurologist saying it was a benign tumor and that if anything changed I should try to get to see Dr. S. in the next couple of days or else go to Grand River where they could do an MRI faster.
I was trying to take everything in. I was sure that Dr. S. had said it was not a tumor and now I'm finding out that it is?!? I called Dr. S's office and left a message and then called Betty Ann who had come with me. She was ready to beat down Dr. S's door because he had said it was NOT a tumor. While I was on the phone with Betts, Dr. S's office called and said that I should just wait till after the MRI.
So I asked her, because I was starting to think that maybe I had heard my family doc wrong and she meant to say TREMOR instead of TUMOR. I was greatlly assured that it was a tremor and not a tumor.
Within the span of 15 minutes my heart was beating like crazying thinking of tumors and surgery and all the other things that go along with that, to its fine, the stammer is part of the same thing with the tremor (though they don't know what causes it) and I don't need to worry about it.
I was so glad to have dear Betts on the phone and just cried in relief. I was already dealing with a 8.5 out of 10 headache that quickly soared to a 10. I walked into Hans' office to let him know what was going on and really trying not to cry and was sent home for the rest of the day.
Today, really does not feel much better. My head is about a 9 and I feel like being on the verge of a melt down. The last 2 weeks have been particularly difficult - and I often feel hopeless and discouraged. Why is this happening now? My arm is sore and tired from shaking most of the time and now I have trouble talking (the kids kept asking why I was talking so funny and I tried to explain that it had something to do with my hand shaking. Hannah just sat in my lap and held my hand gently, as if her holding it would make it feel better). It feels like so much is going on and they don't know why.
Then when I was talking to Jerry last night I was reminded of the sermon from Sunday evening from 2Thess 2:16 & 17
"May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word".
Even though I often struggle with the why and what now of this trial, I have hope. I can't imagine having to go through any of this without knowing that God is in control and knows all things. What a great encouragement! So even though the days are difficult and I may fall apart in tears at any given moment, I can do so with hope - Praise God for that!
In the mean time, if you think of it, if you could pray that there would be answers given soon to why and what is causing the tremor and stuttering and that they would be able to be resolved quickly and that the acupucture treatment that I am still doing would be helpful in dimishing my migraines and that most of all I would be patient through all this.
On Saturday morning I started to have a bit of trouble talking - nothing too bad, just a few words that were a bit difficult to get out. Sunday it was much worse and folks were getting concerned so I promised to call the neurologist on Monday morning.
Monday morning I called a left a message, but I didn't hear back. So yesterday I called my family doctor. The stuttering was much worse and I wanted to know if it was something serious that I needed to go to emerg for or if it was just part of everything going on with the tremor.
After talking with a few secretaries and a nurse, I was finally put through to my family doctor. She said that she had gotten a letter from the neurologist saying it was a benign tumor and that if anything changed I should try to get to see Dr. S. in the next couple of days or else go to Grand River where they could do an MRI faster.
I was trying to take everything in. I was sure that Dr. S. had said it was not a tumor and now I'm finding out that it is?!? I called Dr. S's office and left a message and then called Betty Ann who had come with me. She was ready to beat down Dr. S's door because he had said it was NOT a tumor. While I was on the phone with Betts, Dr. S's office called and said that I should just wait till after the MRI.
So I asked her, because I was starting to think that maybe I had heard my family doc wrong and she meant to say TREMOR instead of TUMOR. I was greatlly assured that it was a tremor and not a tumor.
Within the span of 15 minutes my heart was beating like crazying thinking of tumors and surgery and all the other things that go along with that, to its fine, the stammer is part of the same thing with the tremor (though they don't know what causes it) and I don't need to worry about it.
I was so glad to have dear Betts on the phone and just cried in relief. I was already dealing with a 8.5 out of 10 headache that quickly soared to a 10. I walked into Hans' office to let him know what was going on and really trying not to cry and was sent home for the rest of the day.
Today, really does not feel much better. My head is about a 9 and I feel like being on the verge of a melt down. The last 2 weeks have been particularly difficult - and I often feel hopeless and discouraged. Why is this happening now? My arm is sore and tired from shaking most of the time and now I have trouble talking (the kids kept asking why I was talking so funny and I tried to explain that it had something to do with my hand shaking. Hannah just sat in my lap and held my hand gently, as if her holding it would make it feel better). It feels like so much is going on and they don't know why.
Then when I was talking to Jerry last night I was reminded of the sermon from Sunday evening from 2Thess 2:16 & 17
"May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word".
Even though I often struggle with the why and what now of this trial, I have hope. I can't imagine having to go through any of this without knowing that God is in control and knows all things. What a great encouragement! So even though the days are difficult and I may fall apart in tears at any given moment, I can do so with hope - Praise God for that!
In the mean time, if you think of it, if you could pray that there would be answers given soon to why and what is causing the tremor and stuttering and that they would be able to be resolved quickly and that the acupucture treatment that I am still doing would be helpful in dimishing my migraines and that most of all I would be patient through all this.
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Karen