New Challenges
It has now been 2 1/2 weeks since I moved into my new place. It has been exciting to have my own space and have things decorated and set up the way that I like things. It has been a blessing to be in this particular place but now I'm finding that I'm faced with some new challenges.
1. I really miss the kids. I have tried to go over a few times a week to spend a bit of time with Rachel and the kids but it isn't the same as being there all the time. Tristan & Hannah have often asked me 'Are you ever coming back downstairs?" or "Jen, your bed is gone". Last night was particularly difficult when Hannah squeezed me and said "Jen I love it when you're here". Julia was also playing shy (though it didn't last long and Rachel said that she has been doing that to everyone). Having been there every day for 4 years it is hard to not see them every day. I'm sure that as time goes on and we all get on with regular life it will be fine - but I can't say that I am liking this time of adjustment.
2. I miss Rachel. We were never very close growing up. I was six years older and there were 2 other sisters in between us. But over the last 4 years she has become one of my best friends. She is the first person I go to when I have good/bad/exciting news. Though it has been scary at times, I've also realized how similar we are in a lot of things... I mean a lot that I never thought we would be. Hopefully though we're not as close physically anymore that friendship will continue to grow. (I also miss Ryan - just in case you thought I didn't. Though 6 or 7 years younger (to the day) he was like a second father to me. :) Who will make sure that I'm in on time for curfew?)
3. It is quiet. Living in the basement you don't really have quiet. As soon as someone is walking up stairs you hear it. Any talking or music or toys being run over the floor you hear it. Now being upstairs, it is quiet. Even with street noise, it is quiet. Sometimes that is really nice (like when I'm in bed with a migraine) but it is quiet.
4. Everything stays the way I leave it. Now, this is a good thing, but Saturday morning I was up at 7 (the neigbours were fixing the motorcycle and other assortment of vehicles and it was a bit loud). I made my bed, gathered my laundry, went to the bank, did groceries, went to a garage sale, cleaned the bathroom and cooked up some meat to put in the freezer. All by 10. Rachel & I went out with the kids after that but when I got home at 2:30 there was nothing to do. Everything was cleaned and put away (including the laundry that I did at Rachel's). I played piano for about an hour (something I hadn't done in a long time) and then wondered what I could possibly do until bed time. Maybe I'll have to make a big mess on Friday night so that I'll have something to clean on Saturday :).
5. I used to be glad (sometimes not always) when I would come home and Ryan & Rachel would be at the farm with the kids. It would be quiet for a bit. I could lounge around or quilt or clean or do whatever without distraction. Now, it is quiet. And a bit lonely. Not that I'm ready to give that up yet - but it will take some discipline to fill up my time... and with good things.
At just the right time, God knew what I needed (and always knows what I need) and for 4 years, I needed to be living with a family and learning to be content in what he had given me (as far as a family). Now I'm starting a new chapter and feel like I need to learn all over again what contentment means and how to honour my Father above all. I feel almost like a grown up. I have my own place and it feels like, while I was living with Rachel & Ryan (though I was happily and thankfully content with being single) there was always a possiblity that I may have those prayers of a husband and family answered (that would be with a yes), but now that I'm on my own with my own furniture and routine and things that seems like much less of a possiblity - like I'm going on with my life and not holding my breath. I need to learn to be open to how the Lord will use this stage of my life for his glory and continue to look at the big picture of things.
1. I really miss the kids. I have tried to go over a few times a week to spend a bit of time with Rachel and the kids but it isn't the same as being there all the time. Tristan & Hannah have often asked me 'Are you ever coming back downstairs?" or "Jen, your bed is gone". Last night was particularly difficult when Hannah squeezed me and said "Jen I love it when you're here". Julia was also playing shy (though it didn't last long and Rachel said that she has been doing that to everyone). Having been there every day for 4 years it is hard to not see them every day. I'm sure that as time goes on and we all get on with regular life it will be fine - but I can't say that I am liking this time of adjustment.
2. I miss Rachel. We were never very close growing up. I was six years older and there were 2 other sisters in between us. But over the last 4 years she has become one of my best friends. She is the first person I go to when I have good/bad/exciting news. Though it has been scary at times, I've also realized how similar we are in a lot of things... I mean a lot that I never thought we would be. Hopefully though we're not as close physically anymore that friendship will continue to grow. (I also miss Ryan - just in case you thought I didn't. Though 6 or 7 years younger (to the day) he was like a second father to me. :) Who will make sure that I'm in on time for curfew?)
3. It is quiet. Living in the basement you don't really have quiet. As soon as someone is walking up stairs you hear it. Any talking or music or toys being run over the floor you hear it. Now being upstairs, it is quiet. Even with street noise, it is quiet. Sometimes that is really nice (like when I'm in bed with a migraine) but it is quiet.
4. Everything stays the way I leave it. Now, this is a good thing, but Saturday morning I was up at 7 (the neigbours were fixing the motorcycle and other assortment of vehicles and it was a bit loud). I made my bed, gathered my laundry, went to the bank, did groceries, went to a garage sale, cleaned the bathroom and cooked up some meat to put in the freezer. All by 10. Rachel & I went out with the kids after that but when I got home at 2:30 there was nothing to do. Everything was cleaned and put away (including the laundry that I did at Rachel's). I played piano for about an hour (something I hadn't done in a long time) and then wondered what I could possibly do until bed time. Maybe I'll have to make a big mess on Friday night so that I'll have something to clean on Saturday :).
5. I used to be glad (sometimes not always) when I would come home and Ryan & Rachel would be at the farm with the kids. It would be quiet for a bit. I could lounge around or quilt or clean or do whatever without distraction. Now, it is quiet. And a bit lonely. Not that I'm ready to give that up yet - but it will take some discipline to fill up my time... and with good things.
At just the right time, God knew what I needed (and always knows what I need) and for 4 years, I needed to be living with a family and learning to be content in what he had given me (as far as a family). Now I'm starting a new chapter and feel like I need to learn all over again what contentment means and how to honour my Father above all. I feel almost like a grown up. I have my own place and it feels like, while I was living with Rachel & Ryan (though I was happily and thankfully content with being single) there was always a possiblity that I may have those prayers of a husband and family answered (that would be with a yes), but now that I'm on my own with my own furniture and routine and things that seems like much less of a possiblity - like I'm going on with my life and not holding my breath. I need to learn to be open to how the Lord will use this stage of my life for his glory and continue to look at the big picture of things.
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