The Other 5% of the Time...
Usually, I am content in being single. In fact, it would be safe to say that about 95% of the time I am thankful to be single. Then there are days that that 5% comes crashing through.
Today feels like one of those days.
It started about 2 weeks ago when we had a baptism at church. It was just one of those things I was 'merrily' going about my way, vowing with the rest of Riverside to help to with this child, and it hit me.
I am probably never going to be standing up there with my husband and our child receiving the sign of the covenant. While doing dishes in the kitchen, one of the dear men in our church came and put his arm around my shoulder and asked me how my week had been. It really took everything not to break down in tears. It was something done out of love but I was just thinking that I didn't have anyone who LOVED me that would do that.
This week I was watching R&R's 3 oldest kids while they went on a short holiday. For 3 days I waited after school with the other parents, talked about how the city needs to do something about the parking for picking up and dropping off the kids. Tuesday after school we made up Valentines for the kids in their class. On Wednesday we went to the mall to pick up a special surprise for mommy and daddy for Valentine's Day. Yesterday as we got ready in the morning and made the beds, we left the surprises on mommy and daddy's pillows so they would see it when they went to bed. It was sweet to see the kids so enthusiastic about showing mommy and daddy how much they loved them.
Truthfully, I went to bed very sad last night as I pulled away the sheets and there was no surprise on my pillow.
This morning someone asked me if I'd gotten any roses or Valentines. I felt a bit scrooge-like "Bahumbug - so what if it is Valentines? I'm just babysitting so my sister and brother in law can go out".
Someone on the radio said this morning 'Valentine's is just a reminder for some of us how single we are'.
Then I was preparing something for our ladies' retreat next week. The theme is Contentment (a theme I was not looking forward too) and the theme verse is John 14:8: "Show us the Father and we will be content."
As I cut out that verse 50 times I felt like a hypocrite. How can I put together this thing for a reminder for the ladies of what we're learning and be so discontent? Even as I'm writing this (and it isn't to get sympathy) I feel tears threatening to gush out. So I need to remind myself again of God's kindnesses to me.
Today feels like one of those days.
It started about 2 weeks ago when we had a baptism at church. It was just one of those things I was 'merrily' going about my way, vowing with the rest of Riverside to help to with this child, and it hit me.
I am probably never going to be standing up there with my husband and our child receiving the sign of the covenant. While doing dishes in the kitchen, one of the dear men in our church came and put his arm around my shoulder and asked me how my week had been. It really took everything not to break down in tears. It was something done out of love but I was just thinking that I didn't have anyone who LOVED me that would do that.
This week I was watching R&R's 3 oldest kids while they went on a short holiday. For 3 days I waited after school with the other parents, talked about how the city needs to do something about the parking for picking up and dropping off the kids. Tuesday after school we made up Valentines for the kids in their class. On Wednesday we went to the mall to pick up a special surprise for mommy and daddy for Valentine's Day. Yesterday as we got ready in the morning and made the beds, we left the surprises on mommy and daddy's pillows so they would see it when they went to bed. It was sweet to see the kids so enthusiastic about showing mommy and daddy how much they loved them.
Truthfully, I went to bed very sad last night as I pulled away the sheets and there was no surprise on my pillow.
This morning someone asked me if I'd gotten any roses or Valentines. I felt a bit scrooge-like "Bahumbug - so what if it is Valentines? I'm just babysitting so my sister and brother in law can go out".
Someone on the radio said this morning 'Valentine's is just a reminder for some of us how single we are'.
Then I was preparing something for our ladies' retreat next week. The theme is Contentment (a theme I was not looking forward too) and the theme verse is John 14:8: "Show us the Father and we will be content."
As I cut out that verse 50 times I felt like a hypocrite. How can I put together this thing for a reminder for the ladies of what we're learning and be so discontent? Even as I'm writing this (and it isn't to get sympathy) I feel tears threatening to gush out. So I need to remind myself again of God's kindnesses to me.
1. The Everts family. They include me, make me part of the family and let me live with them. I do get at least 4 smooches every morning (Anthony will sometimes be affectionate) and a "Super love you too" as they head out the door for school.
2. Betty Ann. I've been thankful for her before, but she has been just a gem of a friend. She makes me laugh, hold my hand when I feel like crying, listens to my frustrations and prays for me. I got a birthday card from her in mail last night and in the middle of feeling so discontent I was so thankful for God's kindness in bringing her into my life - corny cards and all.
3. The ladies' retreat. In spite of the fact that I really didn't want to go to ANOTHER retreat on Contentment, it turns out I really need to be there and I'm so thankful that despite my protests (silent though they were) that that is the theme - so I can be reminded again of God's kindness.
4. Last Sunday. Sometimes the hardest place to be content is at church. In the winter I find it is often easy for little things to be discouraging, and they are little. Cleaning off my car on Sunday's after church is one of those little things. All the husbands are outside, warming up the car, clearing off the snow and most are driving up to the door for their wives and children. Last week, someone had cleared the snow off my car for me. In the evening, someone offered to go and get my car for me - I got to go into a warm, snow cleared car - right by the door. It was just 2 little acts of kindness that God had lead these folks to do.
So, while I'm not going to be jumping up for joy about being single today, I will remember God's love and kindness and pray above all for my heart to change so that I will truly be able to say:
"Show us the
Father
and we will be
content."
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