Joy in the Journey?

Michael Card is singing that song as I write this (well, at least he is on the CD - I'm not sure what Mike is actually doing right now) and as I've been listening to the words and thinking about a sermon from Phillipians a few weeks ago and reflecting on my life the last few weeks - I don't know how true that statement is for me.

Paul said, while in prison awaiting possible execution, that to live was Christ and to die was gain.  As difficult as things were for Paul (and they were much worse than I could ever imagine) he still rejoiced in his God and Saviour whose grace was sufficent for him.

The last 3 weeks or so have been bad.  I basically feel as bad as I did back in September, going home at least once if not twice a week with an unbearable migraine and missing or leaving worship on Sundays.  I feel like I'm at about an 8-9 all the time. 

Right now, there is no joy in this journey.

Those feelings of being forgotten and pain pound up to the surface so quickly as soon as things aren't going 'well'.  I know that God knows what is going on and the why.  I know that.  But how quickly I forget.

On my desk I have a little piece of paper with a sermon quote from John van Eyk back in 2004 that I try to remember when I'm having 'bad' days:

"Look up to where Christ reigns at the right hand of the Father
 and where He comes to bring you to the full enjoyment of the privileges of the children of God. 
 Hope, hope in what you will have."

I look at those verses everyday and still so quickly forget that he IS in control and that has a good plan for me.  As soon as I take my eyes off of him and look at myself, I sink - fast - in a wallowing hole of self pity and sadness.

There is no joy. Joy is there.

Someone once wrote that 'if only' we could be like Paul and joyful in whatever our situation - the thing is we can.  We have hope - hope in Christ - so no matter what is going on I need to keep my eyes on him.  I might not be able to do what I'd like to do or feel as good as I'd like, but I need to remember to keep my focus on Christ and the joy that I do have in him.

It doesn't mean that I have to have a fake smile or say that all is good when it really isn't, but it does mean that I need to remember the hope that I do have and the joy that comes from that.

Comments

Karen said…
Beautiful, Jen. Well said, and a much-needed reminder for me.
((Hugs))
Tuesday, June 12, 2012 10:57:00 am
Rich and Cher said…
Thanks, Jen, for baring your heart like that. Humanly speaking I'm so sorry for your pain and wish it would just go away. But I look around me and wish that for so many people. I wish it for my parents and their specific grief. I wish it for the many couples I know who yearn for children. I wish it for the unloved, the broken, the silent sufferers, the lonely. I wish it for myself when things are hard and the ministry seems like too much. And then I try to cling to those promises but sometimes I can't and despair starts to creep in. Yes - we all deal with that if we're honest. But, you're right when you say that there is still joy. Not the laugh-out-loud kind. Well, thank God there's that, too :) But the undergirding, sustaining joy that's based on the truth of being in Christ. Being His. Being saved. Being able to sing "Jesus loves me this I know....for the Bible tells me so" So, the joy comes from remembering "the helplessness, when you were lost" and realizing the "present reality" (to go hog wild quoting Mike :)) Love you, Jen.
Thursday, June 14, 2012 9:47:00 am
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