Another one of 'those' weeks
Sunday was a good day.
Sunday was a great day, actually.
I don't get to say that very often. Besides the wonderous blessing of being able to go to worship, be under good teaching, and witnessing the sign of baptism, I was at a '5' for the day.
I don't remember the last time I was at a '5'. It was a great day!
The thing with great/good days is that when the '5' turns into a 9 for days and weeks on end it feels much harder to bear. I haven't figured that out yet. Is it because I know what I can get accomplished, how I can participate, the 'freedom' from unbearable pain that when it comes back I feel more frustrated and 'helpless'?
This past week I only worked Tuesday, Wednesday (for 1 hour), Thursday (for 4 hours) and today... I"m not sure how long I'll last. That means that I spent most of my time in bed, in the dark, in pain.
It is weeks like these that make me really wonder 'Where is God? Why doesn't he answer my prayers? Why is it always no?" These are the days that I feel forgotten, beaten and discouraged.
People often ask me what they can do to help. There is nothing. I wish that there was, but there isn't. That makes me feel more frustrated and discouraged.
There is nothing.
Then I read Psalm 77
"I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to the God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord at night.
I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.
I remembered you, o GOd, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
You kept my eyes from clsing
I was too troubled to speak.
I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
I remembered my songs in the night
My heart was mused and my spirit inquired
Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favour again?
Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promis failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his comapssion?
Then I thought, To this I will appeal
the years of the right hand of the Most High.
I will remember the deeds of the Lord,
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighy deeds".
So when these days and weeks happen, there is something that can be done:
1. Please pray for me. For grace to endure. Just knowing that people are praying is really helpful.
2. Please remind me of God's goodness, mercy and grace.
3. Please encourage me with prayer and scripture.
4. Please help me to keep my eyes off myself by letting me know what I can be praying for you. (this is something that I need to pursue more).
Sunday was a great day, actually.
I don't get to say that very often. Besides the wonderous blessing of being able to go to worship, be under good teaching, and witnessing the sign of baptism, I was at a '5' for the day.
I don't remember the last time I was at a '5'. It was a great day!
The thing with great/good days is that when the '5' turns into a 9 for days and weeks on end it feels much harder to bear. I haven't figured that out yet. Is it because I know what I can get accomplished, how I can participate, the 'freedom' from unbearable pain that when it comes back I feel more frustrated and 'helpless'?
This past week I only worked Tuesday, Wednesday (for 1 hour), Thursday (for 4 hours) and today... I"m not sure how long I'll last. That means that I spent most of my time in bed, in the dark, in pain.
It is weeks like these that make me really wonder 'Where is God? Why doesn't he answer my prayers? Why is it always no?" These are the days that I feel forgotten, beaten and discouraged.
People often ask me what they can do to help. There is nothing. I wish that there was, but there isn't. That makes me feel more frustrated and discouraged.
There is nothing.
Then I read Psalm 77
"I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to the God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord at night.
I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.
I remembered you, o GOd, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
You kept my eyes from clsing
I was too troubled to speak.
I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
I remembered my songs in the night
My heart was mused and my spirit inquired
Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favour again?
Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promis failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his comapssion?
Then I thought, To this I will appeal
the years of the right hand of the Most High.
I will remember the deeds of the Lord,
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighy deeds".
So when these days and weeks happen, there is something that can be done:
1. Please pray for me. For grace to endure. Just knowing that people are praying is really helpful.
2. Please remind me of God's goodness, mercy and grace.
3. Please encourage me with prayer and scripture.
4. Please help me to keep my eyes off myself by letting me know what I can be praying for you. (this is something that I need to pursue more).
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