A Kind Father

The last week has been one of those weeks. You know, things start off well - I was in my old church on Sunday (and loved being able to see all my old friends again) and then picked up Hettie at the airport after being in Africa for 7 months. Then Monday was our church picnic (which was so nice to sit and talk, relax and laugh... oh boy, did I laugh). It was starting off to be a good week.

Then it happened...

Tuesday was one of those busy days, getting ready for sending out dinner invitations for work and getting ready for Hospitality and Ladies' retreat meetings and with too many things going on at once it hit. The head pounding, mind blowing, only good to be in bed kind of headaches that seem to be more readily available these last few months. While I was able to work most of Wednesday, Thursday morning I spent sitting at my desk, folding invitations and crying till I finally went home and back to bed. Friday was not much of a better day (though I did manage to work the whole day) and Saturday was also a write off (meaning that I missed our Hovestadt family christmas with my dad's family).

As I was laying in bed on Saturday night, I was thinking/crying/praying wondering what I could do. What else could I stop doing so that I don't feel pressure (and then don't deal with it properly resulting in a migraine)? How can I possibly serve less? I lamented how I couldn't make meals (for meals on wheels at church) and how I can't offer to teach the kids for Sunday school, how I am not able to go out most evenings to visit or attend prayer meeting or Bible study. I was slowly drifting into the slippery slope of self pity (why is that so easy?).

Then yesterday. The Lord's day. My favourite day of the week, the one where I get to come together with God's people and worship. By the time I drove to the building, walked inside (with a container of juice) I was wiped and shakey and feeling horrible on the verge of crying (again...). I decided to sit in the narthex (Jon's fancy word for the hallway) where I can sit on a bench, rest my head and have the lights off so it is darker. As Jerry Hamstra preached on Romans 12:6a and how we are to use our spritiual gifts as they come from God, to serve the body - but mostly to glorify God, I realized what a kind God we serve. No matter what we do, big or small, it is Christ working through us... not us. Though my head was still heavy, my heart was much lighter! Even though the night before I had been thinking about what I can't do, in his kindness, God showed me that even little things bring him glory. After worship, a number of people came over to me (all without knowing that anyone else had come) and encouraged me with hugs, words of kindness and some rebuke (done lovingly).

It makes me fall in awe at the great Father that we have and reminded me that, though I sometimes doubt that he hears my prayers, that I am impatient and don't like to wait for his timing, and that I so easily become full of myself and forget to focus my eyes on him, he is so good and kind. I am so thankful for the sweet grace he generously pours out on such a selfish sinner as I am. So even though today is not much better than other days, I can joy and rejoice in my Father knowing that he loves me and takes care of me each moment of each day.